Calming the Storm Inside of My Heart

Verse of the week:

I will praise you O Lord with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. Psalms 9:1

Calming the Storm Inside of My Heart

A storm was begining to stir inside of me. Panic, hopelessness, worry, and fear had taken hold of my heart. I began to cry out to God for help over the current situation, but the storm in my heart was turning into a hurricane. How many times do we pray to God and ask Him for help in a situation, but still feel scared, hopeless, and fearful after our heartfelt cry out to Him?  We tend to focus only on the problem as we pray, and even though we are crying out to God, we still feel that storm. People say to turn to God for help during our troubles, but oftentimes we end up just telling God our troubles, and not truly looking to Him. As a result, the same worries, panic, and stress remain inside of us. 

I love this verse in Psalms 9:1
I will praise you Lord with all of my heart; I will tell you of all your wonders.

Thank you Lord that you are in charge. Thank you Lord, that I can trust you in this current situation. You have been faithful to me in the past, Lord, and I thank you for your faithfulness in this situation. No matter what happens, Lord, you are sovereign. Thank you that you love this person more than I ever could. Thank you that you will never leave me nor forsake me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.....the storm begins to quiet down. Instead of focusing on just the problem, we turn our eyes to the one who has every good and bad situation under control. The thank yous replace my panic with trust, my fearfulness with peace, and my hopelessness with hope in the One who knows what He is doing even if we don't understand.

Present your problems to God but don't forget to thank and praise Him  whole heartedly throughout it all. It can calm the storm raging inside of your heart.

Give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18), and you will see things through the eyes of our heavenly Father. No, the situation may not have changed yet, but your heart has.

Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding , shall keep your hearts  and minds through Christ Jesus. Philipians 4:6-7

Desires of My Heart

Verse of the Week:

Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

     trust in him and he will do this:  Psalms 37:4-5

Desires of My Heart

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. (Ps. 37:4)  Boy does that verse sound good! How many times have I desired to own a million bucks, to travel around the world, and to live in a nice 3 bedroom home.  From the sound of that verse, it looks like God is my own personal genie giving me all the desires of my heart.  Right?  Many people are deceived by this verse and expect God to give them what they desire, and when He doesn't, they reject him or grow angry because he isn't that kind loving God that they thought He was.  I remember talking to a girl about prayer one time, and she told me:

"I have tried that before, but it doesn't work.  I never get what I ask for."

Not all people are asking God for a million bucks.  Some people are asking him for very good things such as peace in a home, safety of a loved one, and healing for a friend, but when He fails to give them what they want, they turn away from Him thinking what kind of loving God would allow harm to come to people? 

People tend to forget the first part of the verse, "Take delight in the Lord..."  What does it mean to truly delight in the Lord?  I read in a book one time that to delight in the Lord means that you want what God wants, not what you want .**   You love God so much that you can't help but desire what he desires.  When you delight in God's will, thoughts, and plans, they eventually become your own will, thoughts, and plans.  

Think of it this way.  Lets say Brayden, my son, falls in love with music when he grows up. For those of you that don't know me, I can't carry a tune when it comes to music.  I cannot even play an instrument other than 2-4 notes from piano lessons that lasted a month. To top it all off, I never really cared to listen to music any more because of my hearing loss; it just doesn't sound the same with a cochlear implant.  I much rather be running, hiking, playing basketball, bumping volleyballs, hitting tennis balls, tossing a football around, and throwing disc golfs.  I am an athlete not a musician. I would prefer that Brayden like sports too.  However, I love our son to much to make him do what I prefer, so if Brayden decided that he wanted to play the piano, sing songs, and become a musician; I would take delight in his passions for music and support him at all costs.  I would attend all of his concerts, listen to all of his songs, and provide him with music lessons to support his passion.  I would support him because I loved him and his desires are more important than my own desires for him.  I would not pressure him to play sports simply because it was my desire for him to do so, but I would desire what he wanted to do with his life. I desired what Brayden desired. 

 It is the same way with God.  I love God so much, that I can't help but desire what he wants. There are many things in my life that I have greatly desired.  I have desired to be a children's minister in a church; I have desired to work in the medical field; I have desired that some of my loved ones be healed of cancer; I have desired that I be healed of my hearing loss, but God said no.  However, when I shifted my focus on God and looked at His heart and His great love for me, my desires changed.  I desired what God desired. Sure I had a preference on what I wanted to do in life, but more than anything I wanted what God wanted.  The more I trusted in Him and grew in my relationship with Him, the more I wanted to do his will.  I knew He knew what was best for me.  He directed me into teaching which was not my first choice, but I grew to love it.  He didn't heal my ears, but I have seen how He has used my hearing loss to be an inspiration to others and to bring Him glory.  My loved ones struggled to win over the battle of cancer, and in the midst of it all, their deep faith has been an inspiration to me and others.  They have both passed away, but I know that they are happy serving God in an amazing place.  God's will is perfect; and I delight in the fact that He knows what is best. 

Lets take it a step further and not only reread verse 4 of Psalms 37, but verse 5 as well:

Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

     trust in him and he will do this:

The key is to trust in God! When you are committed to doing his will; then you begin to trust in him on all aspects of your life.  In the story, On The Trail Of The Truth, God was talking to a young woman, and here is what He said:

When you trust me completely, as your Creator and Father and friend, when you trust me so much that you know I will do the best for you, when you trust me enough to want my will in your life, that becomes the desire of your heart.  The desire of your heart is to do my will.  And when you want my will for your life, and you want that more than anything else, then I will give you that-I will certainly work out my will in your life, And it will be the best possible life you could ever have! You will have the desire of your heart, and everything you could possibly hope for shall be yours-because your life is in my hands, not your own.

I want my life to be in God's hands, not mine.  I delight in you, Jesus!  My desire is what you desire! Mold me and us me and make me into the person that will bring you GLORY.  I love YOU!

 Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

     trust in him and he will do this:

Things I have learned from being Brayden's Mom

Verse of the Week:

Trust in God; trust also in me.  John 14:1b

Things I have learned from being Brayden's Mom

On September 5, 2012 Brian's and my life changed forever.  We received one of the greatest joys God has ever given us, Brayden.  I get tears in my eyes as I remember that day; he was a treasure worth waiting for. Every single pain that I went through during the 48 hours of hard labor with only 5 hours of sleep was worth it. I would do it again in a split second for Brayden.  My husband rarely cries, but I remember tears slipping down his cheeks as he saw Brayden and told me that this was one of the best days of his life.  That night Brian didn't sleep a wink; instead, he spent most of the night awake staring at Brayden and holding him. I was so overjoyed and loved touching his soft skin and looking into his sweet sleeping face.  We were the most excited couple in the world.

I have learned so much about being a parent this past year to our sweet boy and even before that...

From the beginning, Brayden belonged to God, and knowledge of fact alone has allowed me to trust God to take care of him.

When I was first pregnant with Brayden,  I knew that the child inside my womb was not mine, but God's.  Brayden has always belonged to God.  I believed with all my heart that God had plans for the life growing inside of me. Brayden was never mine; I was just the one God had chosen to take care him.  I knew that there were risks of a miscarriage, of SIDS, of deadly sicknesses, of accidents and so many other things, but I knew that even if God only allowed Brayden to live 9 weeks inside of my womb or 90 years on this earth, He would take care of him.  I knew He had plans for Brayden not only down here on earth but in heaven as well.  At that time, God had given me the privilege and joy of taking care of this new life he was knitting inside of my womb. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. (Ps 139:13) During my pregnancy and this past year, I have praised God for the opportunity to raise and take care of Brayden.  Knowing who Brayden belonged to helped me to learn to trust God in an amazing way. I didn't always trust God; there were times when I let worries invade my mind, but when I remembered who held Brayden in the palm of His hand, it gave me peace knowing Brayden would be taken care of no matter what. After all Jesus says, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me" (John 14:1).  That is what I am learning as a parent, trust.....

1. Trusting God for wisdom daily with Brayden
When Brayden finally started crawling, it introduced a whole new stage of parenthood, the disciplining stage.  I told Brian from the get go, that I didn't want to  baby proof the whole apartment, that we would teach Brayden the areas he could go and not go.  After all, it is good to start setting limits at an early age.  Right?  Let just say that this Mama had no idea what she was getting into.  So when Brayden first started crawling towards the TV and our bird's cage I was delighted to teach him the word, NO.  I would gently say, "That's a no no," and then redirect him to another toy on the floor. I had done a lot of research on this, I knew what I was doing....or did I not?  The first three days were tough; crawling what seemed like a 100 times to both "no" areas was taking its toll on me.  I was getting a workout picking him up and moving him back to his play area while saying "no," but I was determined to persevere. After all, it had only been 3 days, and he was still learning.  A week later, I felt like the "no no's" increase from a 100 times a day to a 1,000 times a day, but I was DETERMINED to show him there were limits.   Two weeks later..."Brian," I said, "This isn't working, I am going to have to change my strategy."  So like a military commander, I changed up my plan; the cunning squirt would eventually surrender and start listening. Never mind that my adversary had a cute face, adorable belly laugh, and innocent look, I wasn't going to be influenced by it.  After all, I used to teach kids and knew how to discipline.  I had a stubborn streak, and I knew I would persevere; however, I forgot one tiny detail: the contender was related to me and was equally if not doubly more stubborn than his Mama. 

The Mastermind: Don't be deceive by that cute smile and innocent look....He touched a "No No" right when I snapped the pic!  

 Hence the war between Mama and baby began.....three weeks later, he still went to his "no" spots what now seemed like a million times a day....a month later still a million times a day.  I used my weapons every battle I fought: the pack n play for time outs, my hands for a bop on the rear, and my firm steady voice which, at the beginning had sounded so patient, was now sounding more frantic when I said  "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tactics designed to distract my adversary included his light up book, blocks, toy train, and Ernie doll. Still the battle raged....mom vs son.  Who would win? Eventually one day we had a break through! After saying no, Brayden stopped, looked at me, and went back to playing with his toys!  YESSSSSS!!!  I felt like shouting out with joy;  I was so proud of him. Eventually a million times a day felt like 1000 time and 1000 times a day felt like 100. Nearly 5 months later, he did not go to those "no no" spots too often; however, he is now going to new "no no" spots like the kitchen and the dirty air vent.  However, Sergeant Mom is determined to stick with it, and  I must say that I am proud of Brayden. He has improved so much since those first days. Here is the point of the story.  I started off thinking I had everything under control. However, as the battles got worse, I grew hopeless and afraid.  I learned that I couldn't do it by myself,  that I needed God's strength and wisdom on a daily basis to stay consistent and to make smart decisions.   I learned that I have to take it one day at a time, and seek God through it all.  The challenges in the discipline department are only beginning, but I am once again trusting that God will give me the wisdom and knowledge to make the best decisions possible. Some days I feel clueless and other days I have that aw ha moment, but I know that even if I mess up, I am trusting that God can clean up my messes and make it work together for good.   

2.  Praying for Brayden helps me to remember to trust God to take care of him
I remember one time Brian and I were giving Brayden a bath. In this particular instance, Brian somehow didn't have Brayden secure in his hands.  The next thing I heard was a small little bop!... poor Brayden's head hit the wall of the tub.  Brayden probably cried for 2 seconds and then was his happy joyful self again...no bruise on his head either.  However, since we were first time parents, Brian and I wanted to make sure that Brayden was ok.  So I looked up on "Dr. Google" to see  if it was ok for Brayden to hit his head.  After all, Dr. Google has helped me in the past by diagnosing me with cancer, heart attack, appendicitis, and every single thing that I have never had.  So after researching, Dr. Google informed me that it could be a concussion which might need hospital care and that we should monitor our baby over the next 24 hours to make sure he was ok.   So Brian and I found ourselves checking Brayden's eyes every 30 minutes to make sure they were not dilated, observing his behavior carefully to make sure he wasn't acting fussy, making sure he wasn't extremely tired, and many other symptoms of a concussion.  Unfortunately for us, Brayden just happened to have the symptoms of fussiness and extreme tiredness. (We sorta forgot to take into consideration that it was bedtime and he is always fussy and tired by then.)  Brian and I were scared half out of our wits that Brayden might have a concussion and were debating on whether we should call the doctor or not.  Finally, I decided to pray about it and for Brayden.  After I prayed, once again I was reminded that God had Brayden in the palm of his hand, and that we needed to relax and trust in Him.  The next day as I kept watching Brayden to make sure there were no signs of a concussion, I was constantly having to pray and rededicate Brayden to God.  Later, I realized how ridiculous we were to respond to such a small bump.  Brayden has probably received over a hundred bumps and bruises on his head since he started crawling/walking and the number is still increasing.  Any experienced parent knows it is impossible to keep your baby from hitting his/her head as they grow older.  The purpose of the story is to show that seeking God's help and direction through prayer is a must!  Prayer helps us seek the one who is in charge. Prayer reminds us to trust.  Prayer teaches us to look at situations through God's eyes.  Prayer keeps us calm.  More importantly prayer makes us rely on God.  ...pray continually, 1Thessalonians 5:17

3.  Trusting that God will provide for all of Brayden's needs
I am constantly amazed at God's provision since before and after Brayden was born.  It is amazing how he provides for both big and small things.  I remember in a couple of instances, I was thinking, "I wish Brayden had some more animal books."  The very next day a friend showed up with two animal books.  Another time I was thinking that I wanted to get Brayden an animal farm.  Soon after, a friend emailed me and asked me if I wanted her animal farm that her son had grown out of.  I never told anyone but my husband about these ideas, yet, God chose to provide for these small things anyway.  I am amazed how God cares for both the large and tiny details of Brayden's life. God has constantly provided for Brayden's needs.  But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (Philipians 4:19)

4.  Worry is the opposite of Trust
One thing I have battled as a parent is worrying.  I learned a long time ago that worry is the opposite of trust. I have wasted to much time worrying about things that never happen.  As Jesus says, You cannot add any time to your life by worrying about it. (Matthew 6:27). One particular instance, I remember taking worrying to the extreme.  I was so excited to take Brayden to his routine doctor checkup to see how he was doing.  I couldn't wait to see how much he had grown and how much he weighed.  However, in this particular doctor appointment, the doctor dropped the bomb and told me that Brayden's head was growing to fast. He wasn't to concerned about it, but he still wanted to monitor his head for the next few months to be safe.  No parent likes to hear that there is something wrong with their kid.  I went home depressed like my world had fallen apart. What if there really was cancer or fluid pressure in his brain?  What if Brayden's life was in danger?  What if he needed special care?  What if? What if?  For the next few months as the doctor monitored his head, I had to learn to just trust in God and know that Brayden was once again in His hands.  I couldn't waste my time analyzing and worrying about it.  While there were instances where I wasted time worrying, there were also instances where I remembered to give the situation and Brayden to God.  What a comfort to know that someone had it all under control.  We have this illusion that we can control things in our lives and so we worry as if it will help the situation, but most of the time we can't.  However, knowing God is in control, allowed me to step back and once again rest in is love and peace. 

As a mom, I am learning to trust in Jesus.  I am learning that even though Brian and I love Brayden deeply, there is someone far greater and more powerful who loves him more, and I need to give Brayden over to Him. Brayden never belonged to me; he belongs to God.  Mine and Brian's job is to take care of Brayden, teach him about Jesus, and to love him with Christ's love.  However, we are not to do those tasks alone; Brian and I must depend on God and trust in Christ to help us each day.  

Belongs to GOD!

Happy 1st Birthday, my dear sweet Brayden.  We are excited to see what your Heavenly Father has in store for you.  May you learn to trust in Him as Mama and Dada are learning to do right now.  We love you! Love, Mama and Dada


***There will be no blog entry next weeks since I will be celebrating Brayden's first birthday!  Look for another blog entry in two more weeks. 

Trust God: Sounds easy, right?

Verse of the Week:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust God: Sounds easy, right?

Decisions, decisions, so many decisions.  What job should I apply for?  Should I even get a new job? How are we going to make it financially?  How am I going to find that person to marry?  Should I take my loved one off of life support or not?  Should I home school my children?  Should I put my child in a new school?  Should I separate or possibly divorce this person?  How am I going to pay for all of these bills?  What house should we buy?  Should we move to a new town/city or stay where we are?  Should we have children?   My child is struggling with drugs, what should I do to help him/her?  Life can be so tough.  We have so many decisions that we have to make that are very important and life changing, and oftentimes, we feel completely lost.  What should I do?  We pull out our hair, analyze every possible alternative, and spend sleepless nights trying to figure out what we should do.  Here is the thing, sometimes God wants us to just STOP and trust in Him.

Jesus himself said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." (John 14:1)  Think about it:  Do you want to trust in yourself, a person who has messed up over and over, who is unreliable, who is a human who makes mistakes; or do you want to trust in the one who has made the universe, who knows each star by name, who knows the number of hairs on your head, who knows exactly what you are thinking, who aligns the planets in such a way that they rotate around the sun perfectly, who is perfect in every way, and who loves you more than anyone else ever could love you?  MMMMM....doesn't seem like a hard decision, right?  Yet, I know that so many times I have prayed to God telling him that I trust in Him, and then right after I pray to Him, I go right back to worrying about the situation and fret over what decision to make.  

Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Brian and I have some difficult decisions coming in the next few months and even years, and we have a choice.  Trust in God or lean on our own understanding and have a panic attack!  We can sit here and keep analyzing and figuring out what to do with upcoming situations that we can do nothing about since decisions on those situations cannot be made for another few months, or we can trust in God who can take situations and completely do something neither one of us thought of and amaze us with His awesomeness.  Right after verse 5 in Proverbs 3 it says, In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:6).  Look to Him in the decision making, acknowledge him and seek his direction all while trusting in Him.  He says that He will direct your path!  I trust that when the decision has to be made even at the very last millisecond, God will help us to know what to do.  We are not alone, and He is there every step of the way.  

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions....What do I do? STOP! Trust in Jesus and rest in His arms.

***Many thanks to our dear sweet Brother and Sisters in Christ for reminding me of this!  Brian and I love you guys!