What Forgiveness Does

Verse of the Week:

Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you

What Forgiveness Does

"I am going to have to let you go.  It just isn't working,"  my boss told me.  After 2 years of torture in my job, I was having mixed feelings.  I was relieved it was over, but I was so hurt.  My boss was a tough person, and working with him had been hard.  No matter how hard I tried to please him and do what he asked, I always fell short on meeting his expectations.  Trying to please my boss was like a person with a broken leg trying to run a mile and break the world record in order to please his coach... pretty much impossible.  I was so hurt that even though I thought I had forgiven him for all that I had went through, I found out later that I had not....

Forgiveness is a tough thing for people to do. Perhaps you have heard yourself or friends say, "I am never forgiving so and so!"  Or maybe you said, "Why should I forgive them?  They don't deserve it!"  Or perhaps you were like me and said, "I forgive so and so," but your actions said otherwise.  We cannot do it alone, we must have Christ's help in order to truly forgive others.  

Christ himself talked about forgiveness.  At the end of Luke 6:37 he says, "Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

What does Forgiveness do?

1. Forgiveness takes away bitterness and anger.

I remember a year after the incident with my boss, I was talking with my friend about him.  I was putting him down and remembering every little thing that he had done to me and how awful he was.  My friend had never seen "sweet" Katrina talk that way.  She looked at me all concerned and then said something that shocked me and gave me so much revelation.  She said, "Trina, just let it go."  It was at that moment I saw my heart.  It was full of bitterness and a verse came into my head,  But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart (Matthew 15:18).  I realized that I sounded hateful and bitter when I was talking to my friend and that I had a lot of bitterness left in my heart.  I had not forgiven him like I had said, but instead I had replayed over and over in my head the awful things that had happened,  and I allowed bitterness to take root.  I hadn't "let go" as my friend had told me to do, instead I was clinging to all the hurt and anger that I had bottled up inside of me.  I knew I wanted that to change...so I began to pray.  I prayed for myself,  but, more importantly, I prayed for my boss.  It didn't happen overnight, but slowly, chunks of bitterness that surrounded my heart began to give away. Jesus began to replace my bitter heart with His heart of love and forgiveness.  Jesus knew what he was saying when he said,  "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,."  When I prayed, I began to see things through God's eyes that I have never seen before.  I began to see how I played a big part on how I had messed up with my boss.  I began to see how my boss could have been frustrated with me. He may not have handled it the best way possible at the time, but I could see the frustrations from his perspective.  I began to see the pain and hurt in my boss (I later learned that he had some painful personal issues going on in his life.), but I also saw how good my boss was at his job and what a good man he was as well.  Praying for someone you want to hate is hard, but it is worth it.  I had to let it go. 

Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

2.  Forgiveness allows to you speak kindly about the person.

During that year that I had allowed bitterness to consume me, I would talk about all the bad things my boss had done.  I constantly slandered his name.  I caused other people to look down at him because I constantly put him down. I tainted his good name. Titus 3:2a says, "To speak evil of no one [...]."  No one deserves to have their name ruined.  I can remember a time when I heard of people talking bad about me.  It hurt so much because what they were saying was not the whole story, but only half of the story.  No one took the time to hear my side.    

When I began to forgive, the things I said about my boss changed dramatically.  I began to share with people what an amazing job he does in his profession.  I would share that he is tough, but he is tough for a reason; it is what makes him successful.  Speaking kindly about him also brought healing to my heart.

Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

3.  Forgiveness allows you to show kindness and compassion.

Because God had been working on my heart, I no longer hated my boss but was able to be kind towards him.  I knew I would see him off and on in the future.  Avoiding him in my current profession was impossible, but when I did see him, we were both able to converse easily and kindly towards each other.  No, I was not ready to go out and be his best friend, and I know God wasn't asking me to, but I still wanted to be kind and compassionate towards him.  Later on, I found out that my boss had cancer.  I immediately sent him a "Get Well Soon" card telling him I was praying for him and that I hoped he would feel better soon.  If I had allowed bitterness to reign in my heart, I do not believe I could have done that.  It is easy to show love to people you like, but it is hard to show love to those who have hurt you.  Jesus himself says, "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,"  It is impossible to love your enemies without Christ. However, because He lives inside of me, He changed my heart and gave me His love and compassion.

Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

4.  Forgiveness provides freedom.

I have once heard the the following saying, "Forgiveness frees two people, the person who hurts you and yourself."  I do agree that forgiveness does free one person and that is yourself.  However, forgiveness does not necessarily free the other person. The reality is that most of the time people are unaware that they have even hurt you.  If that is the case, they are not in bondage, but you are.  I do not know if my boss knows how much he hurt me, but that does not matter; what matters is that I have received freedom from bitterness, anger, and hurt.  It didn't happen overnight.  Forgiveness is not always a one time thing that once we do it, it automatically brings healing.  Sometimes it can take years for God to change a person's heart and allow allow them to truly forgive fully.  Whenever I felt bitterness take hold of me, I immediately went into prayer and asked Jesus to help take it away and to provide me with His heart of forgiveness.  I am amazed when I think about how hard it is for us to forgive others, and, yet, Jesus forgave the very person we struggle to forgive.  We all experience rejection, hurt, slander, bitterness, and hate from others, but Jesus experienced the exact same thing when He died on the cross. The amazing thing is that He chose to forgive! During his last moments he said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." We have a God of compassion and love, and He has given us freedom by forgiving us.  What a beautiful God we serve!

Allow him to change your heart and replace it with His heart.

Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

  

Rejection

Verse of the Week:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;

    I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. Jeremiah 31:3b

Rejection

To be honest, my freshman year and junior year of high school was one of the hardest times of my life.  I can still remember as a freshman trying to find a place to sit at lunch. Apparently the popular kids sat together in a cluster on our long benched tables. As hard as I tried, I couldn't ever seem to sit with them.  I would try to sit near the center to be close to people, but apparently, anyone I sat with had a friend they wanted to sit with them, so they would ask me to move over so that their friend could sit with them.  Then that person I was sitting with would ask me to scoot over for their friend to sit with.  The process continued until I was at the end of the table, the losers section.  I sat with the class nerd and by myself. The pain of being brushed aside so easily, and the fact that I was considered of no importance, was hard to bear.  I eventually sat alone in a classroom to eat my lunch because no one wanted to sit with me.  Basketball, my lifeline, ended that year when I was benched and did not get to play in any games unless we were winning by a lot or losing by a lot.  My teammates thought I was not talented, and I began to believe the same. I was considered a teachers pet because I tried to make all the right decisions. Apparently, I found out from my peers that you are not supposed to do that. My hearing loss made things worse; kids felt they could treat me like I was dumb because I couldn't hear.  One girl in particular told me I talked like Forest Gump, and when I mispronounced words because I couldn't hear them right, kids would laugh at me.  Life was pathetic, nobody cared about me but my family. Thank goodness I at least had my family; some children in this world do not even have that. Life felt hopeless, and I couldn't see far enough into the future to know that there was a world beyond high school that could be better.  I wanted to die, and thoughts of suicide would fill my mind. No one would miss me except my family.  No one would care if I died, I just might as well be done with it.  I occasionally went to the kitchen by myself and put a knife to my belly wondering if I would ever have the guts to thrust it in me. I was depressed and life seemed bleak.  REJECTION is incredibly powerful.

 However, I knew that someone didn't want me to give up.  There was an unseen battle going on for my life that I wasn't aware of at the time, but can see so clearly now.  I would arrive home from school in pain over the events that had happened that day, and when I would open my Bible, there would be a verse right there personally for me to give me comfort.  Ironically, during the time I considered taking my life, my relationship with God began to bloom into something deep.  He was my comfortor and encourager throughout that year.  "Don't give up, Katrina," He seemed to say, "Fight the good fight.  I am there with you.You are worth something."   So I hanged in there and looked to Him through it all.  My parents, seeing how much I struggled, realized that I needed a change.  My mom who was trying to help me through those thoughts of suicide during our long night talks knew it was time for me to move on.  So we decided that I would go to a new school next year.  A glimmer of hope...maybe I wouldn't be rejected by a new group of kids in a new environment.

We moved right before my Sophomore year, and I was able to start fresh in a brand new school.  However, fear of being rejected consumed me.  I asked my Mom if I could buy new stylish clothes, wear my skirts a little shorter, and look like everyone else around me.  I was so scared that I would make an idiot of myself talking to others because of my hearing loss, that I didn't talk at all.   No matter how hard I tried, my Junior year became the same nightmare as my freshman year.  People ignored me again.  When I tried to sit with my peers at the round table at lunch, I noticed that they all crammed between each other on one half of the table leaving me alone on the other half.  When I had to go on student council bus trips, I sat alone while others crammed into groups of three on bus seats that only seated two.  Life was hard. No one wanted to be around me.  REJECTION is harsh!

Looking back at the situation as an adult, I realized that even though I was being rejected by my peers, I learned that they rejected me so that they would not be rejected by others themselves.  Everyone wanted to feel accepted, and they did it the only way they knew.  Don't hang out with the ones deemed unacceptable.

Everyone has this innermost desire to feel loved and accepted.  A child whose parents ignore her on a daily basis only wants to feel loved and accepted.  A wife who is shunned by her in-laws only wants to fit in with her husband's family.  A man  commits adultery because he felt rejected by his wife.  A divorce couple feels pain because they could not feel loved and accepted in their marriage.  A boy who joins a gang and gets involved in drugs does so to feel like he belongs somewhere.  A woman, who messes up and finds that no one forgives her, feels pain as people shun her for her mistakes. I believe rejection is a huge fear in the lives of people.  While being considered unacceptable in high school was hard to take, it also taught me so much.  I learned that we cannot depend on humans for our happiness.  Even the best of humans will mess up and make us feel unacceptable at times.  The reality is that people will find themselves feeling unacceptable in other people eyes.

People, including myself, do so much to try to make themselves look acceptable to others.  Take facebook, people are always either posting pics of their wonderful lifestyle on facebook with everyone smiling and laughing and looking picture perfect, or sometimes a person  will do the opposite and talk about their pathetic life in hopes of receiving comfort and acceptance from sympathizers.  A family driving to church may have just been arguing and screaming at each other, but when they get out of the car and approach church, they plaster smiles on their faces and give a greeting to appear as the amazing family people think they are.  Some people do a lot of serving and giving in order to gain approval.  Others will try to wear stylish outfits or buy a beautiful home and car to feel accepted by others.  Wives sometimes change how they act in order to please their husbands and vice versa.  I am not saying all of these things are right or wrong, but I am just pointing out that people do things with the hidden motive of wanting acceptance.

I learned a hard lesson in high school....since no one accepted me who did?  I get tears in my eyes when I think of how God has accepted me with wide open arms.

I have said, "I look weird and have a hearing loss."  God says, " You are fearfully and wonderfully made by Me!  You are a masterpiece." (Psalms 139:13-14, Ephesians 2:10)

I have said, "I mess up so much. I sin and hurt others.  No one will forgive me."  God says, "I FORGIVE you, and love you anyway." (1 John 1:9)

I have said, "My life is meaningless.  Why am I even here?  No one cares."  God says, "You life is precious and I have PLANS for you!" (Jeremiah 29:11)

I have said, "I wish that people liked me."  God says, "I LOVE YOU!"  (John 3:16, Romans 5:8)

I have said, "Some people stop loving me."  God says, "I will NEVER stop loving you.  My love is unconditional and knows no bounds." (Romans 8:37-39)

God finds me acceptable!  Because of Jesus, I am now declared righteous and pure in His eyes!

I read something a few weeks back that brought tears to my eyes. It dealt with during the time when God was putting the New Covenant into place.  In the Old Covenant, the Jews were not supposed to associate with unclean people, the Gentiles, but in the New Covenant that changed.  In Acts 10, the apostle Peter, a Jew, was commanded by God to go to a house of Gentiles in which Peter said the following upon his arrival: "He said to them: 'You are well aware that it is against our law for a Jew to associate with a Gentile or visit him.  But God has shown me that I should NOT CALL ANY MAN IMPURE OR UNCLEAN!'"[emphasis mine]  God had said prior to that in verse 15, "Do not call anything impure that God has made CLEAN." [emphasis mine]  I am clean in God's eyes.  I am not dirt, scum of the earth, a reject, or junk.  I got to see how God viewed me and every person on this earth, clean through the blood of Jesus.  Because of Jesus we are acceptable in God's eyes and we are so beautiful to Him!  All we have to do is ask Jesus into our heart and approach God boldly and He will welcome us with open arms.

In God's eyes, I am ACCEPTABLE, and nothing else matters.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
    I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. Jeremiah 31:3b