Motives

For the third time once again, my body was going bonkers. Hormones were going crazy, food looked awful, nausea constantly attacked me with no rest from it some days, and exhaustion could be felt throughout my whole body.  While, I was thrilled to welcome another baby into our family, I dreaded the feelings that came with the first trimester.   When I was pregnant with Carson and Brayden I tended to at times walk around with dark stormy clouds hanging over my head.....

that could erupt into a hurricane!

Feeling tired? Then I had valid reasons to yell at my husband and  snap at my oldest child. Feeling sick?  Then it was ok to curl up on the couch and wallow in self pity. Husband not responding to my every need?  Then he deserved a cranky wife. My feelings completely dictated how I responded to my family.  I literally was Hurricane Katrina!

After Carson was born, Jesus has been doing beautiful things to my heart.  He has shown me his beautiful unconditional love and grace daily.  While, I have known Him and asked Him to live in my heart at a young age, I only originally understood my need for Him in the future, heaven, but I have learned an even deeper truth: I NEED HIM HERE AND NOW.  He has shown me how dark my heart truly is when I do life without Him.  Without Him, I am consumed with myself, and He has shown me that I need Him daily and constantly.  Apart from Christ, I can do nothing as it says in John 15:5. This realization has caused me to get on my knees with praise and thanksgiving for the fact that He is indeed my hope when without Him I have no hope in how I live my life.  Anything I try to do in my own strength leads to continuous frustration. Anything else I turn to will lead to disappointment, but He never disappoints. I have learned to rest in the unbroken one, because without Him, my heart is completely and utterly broken. He paid a debt that I couldn't pay on the cross, so that my heart could be made new.  He gives me a new identity and a NEW MOTIVE that is not consumed with me, myself, and I.  2 Corinthians 5:15 sums up well with how I feel:

    And he died for all, that those who live should NO LONGER LIVE FOR THEMSELVES BUT FOR HIM who died for them and was raised again. 

People's motives in this world for the things they do has always been geared towards self, but I have realized how much better He is than anything in this world including my motives apart from Him.   JESUS IS MY MOTIVE!  He lives the life in me and through me.  He is beautiful and better than anything I desire apart from Him.  He is the light in this dark world that will never fade.

Circumstances will change.  Good and evil happen.  Feelings come and go. The world is messed up. Our bodies suffer.  BUT Jesus is constant and never changing.  So despite the rise and fall of circumstances in life, I can rest in Jesus and respond for His sake.  

Feeling nauseous?  For Christ's sake, I want to respond patiently with my boys.  Feeling exhausted?  For Christ's sake, I want to speak lovingly towards my husband despite how I feel.  Hormones going crazy?  Jesus is better, and I want to reflect Him despite the roller coaster of emotions that are running through me.  My heart is consumed with Jesus.  He receives the glory in ALL things.  It is not about me, but about Jesus.  So for His sake, I respond with His love despite how I feel. There is no better MOTIVE.

Have I messed up at times throughout this pregnancy and filled my heart up with things other than Christ? Do I at times try to do life on my own without Him?  Sure, but those mess ups constantly remind me of my need for Him.  I am forgiven, loved, accepted; and my heart is still a new creation because of Him.  

JD Greer puts it this way:

In Christ, there is nothing I can do that would make You love me more, and nothing I have done that makes You love me less.” “Your presence and approval are all I need for everlasting joy.” “As You have been to me, so I will be to others.” “As I pray, I’ll measure Your compassion by the cross and Your power by the resurrection.

What a beautiful Savior we have.  He is truly all we need.  He is truly the only motive is worth having!