1. Make Sure God is in the driver's seat in your marriage.
Ever since we have been married, someone has always been the back seat driver in the car. ME! I am positive that we have only stayed alive because of my quick and effective commands that have kept us from a tragic accident. Coming towards a red light a hundred feet away? I quickly come to the rescue and shout "STOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPP!" at the top of my lungs. Need to change lanes in order to make sure we don't miss our turn? I make sure I inform him in advance...way in advance...ok, about 2 to 3 miles in advance to ensure we don't miss our turn. Making a left turn into oncoming traffic 50 feet away? You can be sure I will GASSSSSSPPPPPP and panic for a brief moment because I was positive the car was about to hit us. Through it all, Brian stays calm and rolls his eyes. Yep, don't know how he would survive without me. I am his hero.
Seriously though, how many times do we think we know how to run our marriage better than God? We become back seat drivers, barking out orders because we think we know better than the creator of the world...or worse, we kick Jesus out of the driver's seat and take over. We try to do it ourselves, in our own strength and mess things up. Ever since the fall of man, when we decided to do thing our way instead of God's way, we have created a world full of pain, tragedy, and strife. So why do we think we can run our marriage apart from Christ? It says in John 15:5, I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. When we remain in Christ, we can bear much fruit for Him in our marriage and our lives, but the moment we do not remain in Him, the thorns come. Unforgiveness, selfishness, and anger begin to reign, leaving the marriage in shambles. Apart from Him, we can do nothing. When God is TRULY FIRST in a marriage, it is a successful marriage because if we remain in Him, we will do the things that Jesus does and exhibit the traits of Christ such as patience, kindness, forgiveness, self control. All important in a successful marriage.
2. Get rid of any snakes that can hurt your marriage.
Brian and I love animals. So when we saw a HUGE rattlesnake about 25 feet long...ok 5 feet long, but 25 feet sounds better...we oooooohed and awwwed as we watched it slither across the dirt road and under our car. After the initial excitement weared off, we realized we had a problem. The snake is UNDER OUR CAR!!!! Panic begins to set in as the snake takes an interest in our engine. Slowly it begins to slither up into our engine from underneath the car. Now we have a HUGE problem! There is a snake inside of our car's hood! Brian and I debated on opening the hood of the car to get him out,, but scratched that idea for fear the snake would pop out like a vampire and bite our arms with it's deadly fangs. We are out in the wild in a parking lot with a few other people around...what are we going to do?!?! Perhaps if we drive the car around the snake would decide to slither out of the hot engine. So around and around Brian goes in the car around the parking lot, while everyone else and I were crouched down looking under the car to see if the snake had come out. No such luck...hope was fading....
Then it happened! Our knights in shining armors showed up...two rough big muscled men with tattoos etched all over their bodies, bandannas tied around their heads and dressed in cutoff shirts charging forth in their beat up old pick up truck with a long metal stick in hand. They were ready to do war with the monster. One guy got ready to open the the hood of our car and the other had his metal staff in hand ready to attack! WHAM! The hood opened at the speed of light and the other guy began pounding at the snake in the car. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM...the guy kept beating on the snake. Brian and I cringed...how do you kindly stop a guy who is trying to kill a venomous snake and politely say that YOU ARE BEATING UP OUR ENGINE too! BOOM BOOM BOOM!!! Would we even have an engine left when he was done battling? Brian whispered to me, "How are we going to get home?" Eventually the guy lifted the dead snake up with the stick and thew him out of the car, unaware of the direction he threw him out...straight at Brian. Brian ducked just in time before the snake almost hit him in the head. It was over...we hoped. We still needed to see if the engine worked. Brian and I held our breaths as Brian turned the keys....VROOOOOMMM....the car started. We would make it out of the wild after all! For the rest of the trip, Brian and I always looked under the car before we got in to make sure no monster with sharp fangs was ready to grab at our legs.
You know, there are some things in our marriage that seem harmless at first...just like watching the snake slither across the parking lot. It wasn't bringing us harm, but eventually, these things can climb in our engine and cause us a lot of problems, eventually destroying a marriage. Things like technology, socializing with friends, and jobs can seem perfectly harmless, but if over done, they can rob us of something important: time with our spouse. Be aware of snakes. The devil would love to devour our marriages because a marriage is suppose to reflect Christ's union to the church. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8.
3. Communication is key.
I have a knack for wanting to talk to Brian who is in a different room right when I want to say something. "Honnnneyyy!" I might shout, "Do you know where my shoes are?" Then I wait expectantly for Brian to answer. For those of you that know me, that is the dumbest thing I can do. Why? I have a hearing loss, and talking to a person in another room is virtually impossible. For awhile at the beginning of our marriage, Brian would dumbly answer in response to my question over and over until after about five times of me saying, "What?" he realized that I was never going to get what he said. To make things worse, I have at times asked a question with my processor off (my processor helps me hear...without it I am profoundly deaf). Then I realize that I can't hear anything and go off to find my hubby.
You have probably heard the saying, "You have two ears and one mouth, which one are you supposed to use more?" In my case, I have two eyes and one mouth...which one should I use more? My eyes of course!!! Reading lips sure can help! Proverbs 18:13 says, If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. Brian once told me that people tend to already be thinking of what they are going to say before they finish listening to a person. We are so self centered, that it doesn't matter what the other person has to say, but what WE want to say. The key in a successful marriage is to LISTEN!!! You can prevent so much miscommunication if we would just take the time to listen to what our spouse is saying.
4. Keep Each other Christ focused
Brian and I have learned over and over in our marriage how important it is to stay Christ focused. Our journey on this earth is not about ourselves but about pointing others to Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:15 says, And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again. The purpose of our marriage should be to encourage, teach, and help each other stay gospel centered so that we can go out in this world and point others to Jesus. Brian and I will send each other verses or quotes by text messages to remind ourselves why we are here: to serve Jesus. Praying, reading the Bible, and discussions about Jesus that can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours helps us to stay rooted in the One who really matters.
Happy Anniversary my Ernie Wernie. I pray that God will use our time together here on this earth to point others to Him; for he is all that matters. Thank you for your love, for your patience, and for your heart. It is heart over flowing with Christ. I love you so!
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