Verse of the Week:
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalms 27:14Something for Singles
Samson finished hanging up the phone. He has just asked the girl of his dreams out. After starring at the phone for a whole hour, he finally got the nerve to call her. He asked her out for a dinner and movie Friday night. She said that she wasn't available that night, but maybe another time. Samson decided to call again next week and see if she wanted to go to the Church picnic with him. However, when he called, she didn't answer the phone; instead, it went to her voice mail. Samson left a message and asked her to call him back when she got a chance. One day went by, and no phone call. "She is probably just busy and hasn't had a chance to return my call," Samson concluded. Two days went by, then three. "Maybe she forgot." Samson thought. After a week of no calls, Samson analyzed the situation, "She might not be interested in me, or maybe she is just shy. Perhaps I should call and make sure she isn't really interested." So, he called again. This time she answered and gave him a resounding NO! Poor Samson.
Lisa came home from her college English class, frustrated. She had seen the guy of her dreams in class that day. He seemed interested in her, but yet after several weeks, he still hadn't asked her out. She had made sure she talked to him every time they had class together, tried to sit by him during the lecture, and made effort to be available in the hallway for him to talk too after class. Still, he hadn't asked her out. "Surely he is interested in me," she analyzed, "After all, he smiles at me every time I see him; he teases me; and I have even caught him starring at me across the room. I know he teases other girls, but he teases me differently. He must be shy; that is why he doesn't ask me out. Maybe he just doesn't know how to approach me yet. Maybe he is scared because he knows I am the one, and doesn't know how to respond!" Lisa continued to analyze the situation for the rest of the day.
Emily just went through a horrible breakup. After 2 years of dating, she hadn't seen it coming until she found out from him last week that he was having an affair. "What is wrong with me?" she asked, "Why did he leave me for another woman?"
Any of these situations sound familiar? Lets face it, life as a single person is HARD. The task of trying to find "the one" seems overwhelming, and the frustrations of going from relationship to relationship leaves a person hopeless and hurt. Guys seem to be rejected more than they are accepted when they ask girls out, and girls seem to be beside themselves hoping a certain guy will take notice of her. "What is wrong with me?" many singles ask, "Why can't I find the one?" The process of WAITING seems torturous, and the older a person gets the more they question if they are destined to get married at all.
I was single for several years until I got married when I was 26. While it was a difficult time in my life, it was also an amazing time as well. I want to share some things I learned as a single person to encourage other singles out there...
1. WAIT ON THE LORD
"Wait? Did you say wait?" I know what you are thinking, "I have already waited 4 plus years and you are telling me to wait more! Thanks for the advice, Katrina!" Waiting on the Lord has to be the hardest thing to do. Ever notice that God seems to work slowwwwwwlllly most of the time. It drives me nuts. In our fast pace society where we want everything immediately, waiting seems to be foreign to most of us. Seriously, though, wait on the Lord. He has your best interests in mind. Don't try to take things in your hands to speed up the process. Whenever we try to do things our way, it usually ends up in a disaster. I have a sweet friend, who was single for a long time after going through a hard divorce. She was lonely, and wanted to have someone in her life. Not able to wait, she ended up marrying a man that she wasn't sure about, but because she was desperate for companionship, she jumped into it. Many of the issues she was initially unsure about became big issues, and she is now in a very tough relationship. She once admitted to me, "Katrina, I wish I had waited on God and not taken things into my own hands." She is still married and trying to make the best of the situation, but my heart breaks for her.
Unknown to most people, I had the opportunity to get married before I met Brian; the guy had planned to propose to me that summer. However, I had many uncertainties about the relationship. I could have chosen to jump into it despite my uncertainties, but I chose to wait on the Lord and seek His direction. After several months of prayer and turmoil about what to do, I ended up breaking up with him. It was hard to do, but afterwards, I felt a peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). I knew I needed to wait on God and seek His direction. Whether His direction led me to a life of singleness or led me to a life with a man, He knew what was best, and I trusted Him.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalms 27:14
Be strong and take heart, God has plans way better than your own initial plans.
Here is something major I learned about potential mates when I was single. Read and re read this sentence over and over until it is imprinted in your mind: I want for potential mates to have the girl/guy God wants for them, and if it isn't me, then GREAT; if it is me, then GREAT too! Here is what I used to pray about with potential guys. "Lord, if this if the man you want for me, then make it clear for both of us, but if not, then I pray that you find a wonderful woman for him." I firmly believed that even though I may have liked the guy, if he wasn't the one, then that was ok. I was ok with it. Most of the time, when we are rejected, we take it personally instead of realizing that "I" may not be what is best for that person and vice versa.
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4 Delight in God and the plans He has for you. Desire His plans. It makes a huge difference. Before I realized this, I would wallow in self pity when I was rejected and pout. "I want him! Why couldn't he have been mine?" I would analyze the situation and wonder, "What is wrong with me?" The truth is that nothing was wrong with me; it was just that we were wrong for each other; and what a blessing to find that out instead of entering into a miserable relationship. I wanted whomever God wanted, that is if He wanted me to have anyone at all. His plans were best, and I delighted in them.
3. TRUST IN THE LORD
Ok, folks...Here is an important question. Who do you trust more...yourself or God? Do you trust the person who is always messing up and creating problems for him/herself OR do you trust the person who is perfect, who created the world, who cares so much for your well being that he prepared a place of escape from the fiery depths of hell? During the time that my sister was single, she would cling to the following verse: Let go of your concerns. Then you will know that I am God. I rule the nations. I rule the earth. (Psalm 46:10) Let go of your concerns about finding someone and just trust in God. He really does have your best interests in mind!
4. USE THIS TIME TO SERVE GOD WHOLEHEARTEDLY
I am not saying that when you are married that you won't still serve God. In fact, I believe that marriage should be one in which each spouse helps the other to grow closer in their relationship with God. However, Paul did bring up a good point when he shared that when you are single your attention is not divided and you can focus completely on the Lord. Here is what he said:
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:32-34)
I will be honest, since I have been married, I have found it hard to have my one on one quiet time with the Lord; my attention is divided, especially now that we have a sweet son. Instead of having quiet times with the Lord in the mornings, I am up and about trying to get my husband's lunch ready for work, feed my son breakfast, change his diaper, and get his clothes on for the day. After that I keep finding stuff to do, and before I know it, the day has ended and I find myself crawling into bed without having that one on one time. Enjoy having this time to spend with the Lord, making Him your beloved and you His beloved. As much as I love being married, I miss that.
I have a friend who is single, and she is a blessing to so many people. She is constantly helping out with the youth at church, helping families when they need her to watch their kids, getting involved in activities such as rebuilding homes for people, bring meals to the sick, giving new Mamas time to sleep as she watches their newborn babies and children, giving people rides from place to place, being a second mom too her niece and nephew, taking pictures in her photography business, and bringing joy to people's lives. She is constantly on the go. If she had been married, she would not have been able to do all the things she does because her time and energy would be spent on her family. God has plans for her, and she is able to serve him wholeheartedly because she is single. What a blessing she is to others! Take this time to enjoy serving God with all your heart, because eventually, it will be hard to do so with a spouse.
5. ALLOW GOD TO USE THIS TIME MOLD AND SHAPE YOU
I am so glad that things happen in God's timing if we allow him to do so. If Brian and I had met even a year or two sooner than we did, we would not have been ready for each other. Brian at the time had a "wild side" to him that this girl would not have approved of, and I was so insecure and lacked confidence in myself, that Brian would have ignored me. God used that time to instill a strong desire in Brian to grow in Him, and He used that time to help me to firmly establish my identity in Christ. God can use this time to mold and shape you into the person that will first, bring Him glory and second, prepare you for your future spouse (if that is indeed what he has planned for you.).
Yet you, Lord, are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand. (Is 64:8)
Allow Christ who lives inside of your heart (that is if you have recieved Him into your heart) to mold and shape your mind to reflect His heart/mind. He is the potter and you are the clay!
6. CHERISH EACH MOMENT
I have found that life flies by. I remember there being a time when I couldn't wait to grow up! I was tired of being a child. My mom would tell me, enjoy being a kid, because you will never get to be one again. Life has flown by, and I am now 30. I remember a time when I thought I would never get married, because it was taking forever, but then in a flash, I have been married for several years and now have a sweet son. My time as a single person was great, but I wish I had cherished it more. I am learning to cherish each stage of my life. I am now cherishing each moment with Brian and cherishing every stage of growth with our son. Enjoy the time as a single person, there is a good chance that you may not ever get it back once you get married.
As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blowsover it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.(Psalms 103:15-16)
7. BE CONTENT
This is the hardest thing. We spend our lives thinking, "If I can graduate high school then I will be happy. If I can graduate college, things will be better. If I can get married, life will be amazing. If I can have children, then I will be happy. If I can retire, life will be bliss." We are constantly looking towards the future to find contentment. The secret to contentment is not to look to the future, but to Christ. Paul discovered the secret to contentment:
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13
Look to Christ for strength not the future. I was asked this one time and it has helped me so much then and now: "Katrina, if you aren't content as a single person, what makes you think you will be content as a married person?" Here is another hard question, "What if you never get married?" I am not saying you will never get married, God places those desires in our hearts for a reason, but the reality is that not everyone gets married. Here is the point: I realized then and even now, that contentment doesn't come from situations (like marriage) but from Christ. As a single person, there could have been a chance that I might not have ever gotten married. Was I going to spend the rest of my life miserable because I wasn't married, or was I going to embrace my life with Christ and serve him wholeheartedly? Find contentment by relying on Christ's strength.
Hang in there, singles! God knows the plans he has for you, and they are AWESOME (Jeremiah 29:11)! He loves you and knows the desires of your heart. Rest in Him.
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