What Forgiveness Does

Verse of the Week:

Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you

What Forgiveness Does

"I am going to have to let you go.  It just isn't working,"  my boss told me.  After 2 years of torture in my job, I was having mixed feelings.  I was relieved it was over, but I was so hurt.  My boss was a tough person, and working with him had been hard.  No matter how hard I tried to please him and do what he asked, I always fell short on meeting his expectations.  Trying to please my boss was like a person with a broken leg trying to run a mile and break the world record in order to please his coach... pretty much impossible.  I was so hurt that even though I thought I had forgiven him for all that I had went through, I found out later that I had not....

Forgiveness is a tough thing for people to do. Perhaps you have heard yourself or friends say, "I am never forgiving so and so!"  Or maybe you said, "Why should I forgive them?  They don't deserve it!"  Or perhaps you were like me and said, "I forgive so and so," but your actions said otherwise.  We cannot do it alone, we must have Christ's help in order to truly forgive others.  

Christ himself talked about forgiveness.  At the end of Luke 6:37 he says, "Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

What does Forgiveness do?

1. Forgiveness takes away bitterness and anger.

I remember a year after the incident with my boss, I was talking with my friend about him.  I was putting him down and remembering every little thing that he had done to me and how awful he was.  My friend had never seen "sweet" Katrina talk that way.  She looked at me all concerned and then said something that shocked me and gave me so much revelation.  She said, "Trina, just let it go."  It was at that moment I saw my heart.  It was full of bitterness and a verse came into my head,  But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart (Matthew 15:18).  I realized that I sounded hateful and bitter when I was talking to my friend and that I had a lot of bitterness left in my heart.  I had not forgiven him like I had said, but instead I had replayed over and over in my head the awful things that had happened,  and I allowed bitterness to take root.  I hadn't "let go" as my friend had told me to do, instead I was clinging to all the hurt and anger that I had bottled up inside of me.  I knew I wanted that to change...so I began to pray.  I prayed for myself,  but, more importantly, I prayed for my boss.  It didn't happen overnight, but slowly, chunks of bitterness that surrounded my heart began to give away. Jesus began to replace my bitter heart with His heart of love and forgiveness.  Jesus knew what he was saying when he said,  "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,."  When I prayed, I began to see things through God's eyes that I have never seen before.  I began to see how I played a big part on how I had messed up with my boss.  I began to see how my boss could have been frustrated with me. He may not have handled it the best way possible at the time, but I could see the frustrations from his perspective.  I began to see the pain and hurt in my boss (I later learned that he had some painful personal issues going on in his life.), but I also saw how good my boss was at his job and what a good man he was as well.  Praying for someone you want to hate is hard, but it is worth it.  I had to let it go. 

Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

2.  Forgiveness allows to you speak kindly about the person.

During that year that I had allowed bitterness to consume me, I would talk about all the bad things my boss had done.  I constantly slandered his name.  I caused other people to look down at him because I constantly put him down. I tainted his good name. Titus 3:2a says, "To speak evil of no one [...]."  No one deserves to have their name ruined.  I can remember a time when I heard of people talking bad about me.  It hurt so much because what they were saying was not the whole story, but only half of the story.  No one took the time to hear my side.    

When I began to forgive, the things I said about my boss changed dramatically.  I began to share with people what an amazing job he does in his profession.  I would share that he is tough, but he is tough for a reason; it is what makes him successful.  Speaking kindly about him also brought healing to my heart.

Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

3.  Forgiveness allows you to show kindness and compassion.

Because God had been working on my heart, I no longer hated my boss but was able to be kind towards him.  I knew I would see him off and on in the future.  Avoiding him in my current profession was impossible, but when I did see him, we were both able to converse easily and kindly towards each other.  No, I was not ready to go out and be his best friend, and I know God wasn't asking me to, but I still wanted to be kind and compassionate towards him.  Later on, I found out that my boss had cancer.  I immediately sent him a "Get Well Soon" card telling him I was praying for him and that I hoped he would feel better soon.  If I had allowed bitterness to reign in my heart, I do not believe I could have done that.  It is easy to show love to people you like, but it is hard to show love to those who have hurt you.  Jesus himself says, "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,"  It is impossible to love your enemies without Christ. However, because He lives inside of me, He changed my heart and gave me His love and compassion.

Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

4.  Forgiveness provides freedom.

I have once heard the the following saying, "Forgiveness frees two people, the person who hurts you and yourself."  I do agree that forgiveness does free one person and that is yourself.  However, forgiveness does not necessarily free the other person. The reality is that most of the time people are unaware that they have even hurt you.  If that is the case, they are not in bondage, but you are.  I do not know if my boss knows how much he hurt me, but that does not matter; what matters is that I have received freedom from bitterness, anger, and hurt.  It didn't happen overnight.  Forgiveness is not always a one time thing that once we do it, it automatically brings healing.  Sometimes it can take years for God to change a person's heart and allow allow them to truly forgive fully.  Whenever I felt bitterness take hold of me, I immediately went into prayer and asked Jesus to help take it away and to provide me with His heart of forgiveness.  I am amazed when I think about how hard it is for us to forgive others, and, yet, Jesus forgave the very person we struggle to forgive.  We all experience rejection, hurt, slander, bitterness, and hate from others, but Jesus experienced the exact same thing when He died on the cross. The amazing thing is that He chose to forgive! During his last moments he said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." We have a God of compassion and love, and He has given us freedom by forgiving us.  What a beautiful God we serve!

Allow him to change your heart and replace it with His heart.

Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.