Things I have learned from being Brayden's Mom

Verse of the Week:

Trust in God; trust also in me.  John 14:1b

Things I have learned from being Brayden's Mom

On September 5, 2012 Brian's and my life changed forever.  We received one of the greatest joys God has ever given us, Brayden.  I get tears in my eyes as I remember that day; he was a treasure worth waiting for. Every single pain that I went through during the 48 hours of hard labor with only 5 hours of sleep was worth it. I would do it again in a split second for Brayden.  My husband rarely cries, but I remember tears slipping down his cheeks as he saw Brayden and told me that this was one of the best days of his life.  That night Brian didn't sleep a wink; instead, he spent most of the night awake staring at Brayden and holding him. I was so overjoyed and loved touching his soft skin and looking into his sweet sleeping face.  We were the most excited couple in the world.

I have learned so much about being a parent this past year to our sweet boy and even before that...

From the beginning, Brayden belonged to God, and knowledge of fact alone has allowed me to trust God to take care of him.

When I was first pregnant with Brayden,  I knew that the child inside my womb was not mine, but God's.  Brayden has always belonged to God.  I believed with all my heart that God had plans for the life growing inside of me. Brayden was never mine; I was just the one God had chosen to take care him.  I knew that there were risks of a miscarriage, of SIDS, of deadly sicknesses, of accidents and so many other things, but I knew that even if God only allowed Brayden to live 9 weeks inside of my womb or 90 years on this earth, He would take care of him.  I knew He had plans for Brayden not only down here on earth but in heaven as well.  At that time, God had given me the privilege and joy of taking care of this new life he was knitting inside of my womb. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. (Ps 139:13) During my pregnancy and this past year, I have praised God for the opportunity to raise and take care of Brayden.  Knowing who Brayden belonged to helped me to learn to trust God in an amazing way. I didn't always trust God; there were times when I let worries invade my mind, but when I remembered who held Brayden in the palm of His hand, it gave me peace knowing Brayden would be taken care of no matter what. After all Jesus says, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me" (John 14:1).  That is what I am learning as a parent, trust.....

1. Trusting God for wisdom daily with Brayden
When Brayden finally started crawling, it introduced a whole new stage of parenthood, the disciplining stage.  I told Brian from the get go, that I didn't want to  baby proof the whole apartment, that we would teach Brayden the areas he could go and not go.  After all, it is good to start setting limits at an early age.  Right?  Let just say that this Mama had no idea what she was getting into.  So when Brayden first started crawling towards the TV and our bird's cage I was delighted to teach him the word, NO.  I would gently say, "That's a no no," and then redirect him to another toy on the floor. I had done a lot of research on this, I knew what I was doing....or did I not?  The first three days were tough; crawling what seemed like a 100 times to both "no" areas was taking its toll on me.  I was getting a workout picking him up and moving him back to his play area while saying "no," but I was determined to persevere. After all, it had only been 3 days, and he was still learning.  A week later, I felt like the "no no's" increase from a 100 times a day to a 1,000 times a day, but I was DETERMINED to show him there were limits.   Two weeks later..."Brian," I said, "This isn't working, I am going to have to change my strategy."  So like a military commander, I changed up my plan; the cunning squirt would eventually surrender and start listening. Never mind that my adversary had a cute face, adorable belly laugh, and innocent look, I wasn't going to be influenced by it.  After all, I used to teach kids and knew how to discipline.  I had a stubborn streak, and I knew I would persevere; however, I forgot one tiny detail: the contender was related to me and was equally if not doubly more stubborn than his Mama. 

The Mastermind: Don't be deceive by that cute smile and innocent look....He touched a "No No" right when I snapped the pic!  

 Hence the war between Mama and baby began.....three weeks later, he still went to his "no" spots what now seemed like a million times a day....a month later still a million times a day.  I used my weapons every battle I fought: the pack n play for time outs, my hands for a bop on the rear, and my firm steady voice which, at the beginning had sounded so patient, was now sounding more frantic when I said  "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tactics designed to distract my adversary included his light up book, blocks, toy train, and Ernie doll. Still the battle raged....mom vs son.  Who would win? Eventually one day we had a break through! After saying no, Brayden stopped, looked at me, and went back to playing with his toys!  YESSSSSS!!!  I felt like shouting out with joy;  I was so proud of him. Eventually a million times a day felt like 1000 time and 1000 times a day felt like 100. Nearly 5 months later, he did not go to those "no no" spots too often; however, he is now going to new "no no" spots like the kitchen and the dirty air vent.  However, Sergeant Mom is determined to stick with it, and  I must say that I am proud of Brayden. He has improved so much since those first days. Here is the point of the story.  I started off thinking I had everything under control. However, as the battles got worse, I grew hopeless and afraid.  I learned that I couldn't do it by myself,  that I needed God's strength and wisdom on a daily basis to stay consistent and to make smart decisions.   I learned that I have to take it one day at a time, and seek God through it all.  The challenges in the discipline department are only beginning, but I am once again trusting that God will give me the wisdom and knowledge to make the best decisions possible. Some days I feel clueless and other days I have that aw ha moment, but I know that even if I mess up, I am trusting that God can clean up my messes and make it work together for good.   

2.  Praying for Brayden helps me to remember to trust God to take care of him
I remember one time Brian and I were giving Brayden a bath. In this particular instance, Brian somehow didn't have Brayden secure in his hands.  The next thing I heard was a small little bop!... poor Brayden's head hit the wall of the tub.  Brayden probably cried for 2 seconds and then was his happy joyful self again...no bruise on his head either.  However, since we were first time parents, Brian and I wanted to make sure that Brayden was ok.  So I looked up on "Dr. Google" to see  if it was ok for Brayden to hit his head.  After all, Dr. Google has helped me in the past by diagnosing me with cancer, heart attack, appendicitis, and every single thing that I have never had.  So after researching, Dr. Google informed me that it could be a concussion which might need hospital care and that we should monitor our baby over the next 24 hours to make sure he was ok.   So Brian and I found ourselves checking Brayden's eyes every 30 minutes to make sure they were not dilated, observing his behavior carefully to make sure he wasn't acting fussy, making sure he wasn't extremely tired, and many other symptoms of a concussion.  Unfortunately for us, Brayden just happened to have the symptoms of fussiness and extreme tiredness. (We sorta forgot to take into consideration that it was bedtime and he is always fussy and tired by then.)  Brian and I were scared half out of our wits that Brayden might have a concussion and were debating on whether we should call the doctor or not.  Finally, I decided to pray about it and for Brayden.  After I prayed, once again I was reminded that God had Brayden in the palm of his hand, and that we needed to relax and trust in Him.  The next day as I kept watching Brayden to make sure there were no signs of a concussion, I was constantly having to pray and rededicate Brayden to God.  Later, I realized how ridiculous we were to respond to such a small bump.  Brayden has probably received over a hundred bumps and bruises on his head since he started crawling/walking and the number is still increasing.  Any experienced parent knows it is impossible to keep your baby from hitting his/her head as they grow older.  The purpose of the story is to show that seeking God's help and direction through prayer is a must!  Prayer helps us seek the one who is in charge. Prayer reminds us to trust.  Prayer teaches us to look at situations through God's eyes.  Prayer keeps us calm.  More importantly prayer makes us rely on God.  ...pray continually, 1Thessalonians 5:17

3.  Trusting that God will provide for all of Brayden's needs
I am constantly amazed at God's provision since before and after Brayden was born.  It is amazing how he provides for both big and small things.  I remember in a couple of instances, I was thinking, "I wish Brayden had some more animal books."  The very next day a friend showed up with two animal books.  Another time I was thinking that I wanted to get Brayden an animal farm.  Soon after, a friend emailed me and asked me if I wanted her animal farm that her son had grown out of.  I never told anyone but my husband about these ideas, yet, God chose to provide for these small things anyway.  I am amazed how God cares for both the large and tiny details of Brayden's life. God has constantly provided for Brayden's needs.  But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (Philipians 4:19)

4.  Worry is the opposite of Trust
One thing I have battled as a parent is worrying.  I learned a long time ago that worry is the opposite of trust. I have wasted to much time worrying about things that never happen.  As Jesus says, You cannot add any time to your life by worrying about it. (Matthew 6:27). One particular instance, I remember taking worrying to the extreme.  I was so excited to take Brayden to his routine doctor checkup to see how he was doing.  I couldn't wait to see how much he had grown and how much he weighed.  However, in this particular doctor appointment, the doctor dropped the bomb and told me that Brayden's head was growing to fast. He wasn't to concerned about it, but he still wanted to monitor his head for the next few months to be safe.  No parent likes to hear that there is something wrong with their kid.  I went home depressed like my world had fallen apart. What if there really was cancer or fluid pressure in his brain?  What if Brayden's life was in danger?  What if he needed special care?  What if? What if?  For the next few months as the doctor monitored his head, I had to learn to just trust in God and know that Brayden was once again in His hands.  I couldn't waste my time analyzing and worrying about it.  While there were instances where I wasted time worrying, there were also instances where I remembered to give the situation and Brayden to God.  What a comfort to know that someone had it all under control.  We have this illusion that we can control things in our lives and so we worry as if it will help the situation, but most of the time we can't.  However, knowing God is in control, allowed me to step back and once again rest in is love and peace. 

As a mom, I am learning to trust in Jesus.  I am learning that even though Brian and I love Brayden deeply, there is someone far greater and more powerful who loves him more, and I need to give Brayden over to Him. Brayden never belonged to me; he belongs to God.  Mine and Brian's job is to take care of Brayden, teach him about Jesus, and to love him with Christ's love.  However, we are not to do those tasks alone; Brian and I must depend on God and trust in Christ to help us each day.  

Belongs to GOD!

Happy 1st Birthday, my dear sweet Brayden.  We are excited to see what your Heavenly Father has in store for you.  May you learn to trust in Him as Mama and Dada are learning to do right now.  We love you! Love, Mama and Dada


***There will be no blog entry next weeks since I will be celebrating Brayden's first birthday!  Look for another blog entry in two more weeks.