Verse of the Week:
Matthew 19:4-6 "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
Things I have learned from being married to Brian!
My husband's and my fourth anniversary is coming up in two more weeks. It has been an amazing journey with him, and I wouldn't trade my time with Brian for the world. I was taking the time to reflect on the things we have learned the past four years as a married couple, and here is what we have learned.1. You can't change your spouse, but you can work on yourself!
Brian and I have plenty of flaws that drive each other nuts! For instance, Brian cannot stand my chewing. Because I have a hearing loss, I have never really heard my smacking and chewing when I eat food. However, I have been informed many times by my sweetheart that it is LOUD! He may be in the living room playing on the computer or reading a book, when his worst nightmare comes to pass when his wife shows up into the room with a bowl of cereal. chomp chomp Chomp CHOMP CHOMP....It crawls up Brian's skin! As a result, I get a few dirty looks from him!
I get driven nuts whenever Brian falls asleep on the recliner at bedtime. Why? Trying to get him to get up and just walk 10 feet to the bed is like trying to tell a rock to get up and take itself across the mountain. I will spend over 30 minutes trying to reason with a guy who is half asleep about why I would like him to get up and go to bed. "Brian, lets go to bed," I would say. He would look up at me with these glazed eyes and say, "OK," and then immediately would close his eyes again to resume sleeping! The process kept repeating itself, until, it escalated into an argument. Ever tried arguing with a sleeping person? Many times, I have ended up getting water from the sink and dumping it on his head. Boy does that wake him up!
Here is the point I am trying to make, we have both learned that we can not change our spouse, but because we love each other so much, we will work on ourselves. I am constantly working on remembering to chew with my mouth closed; while Brian has miraculously gotten up off the recliner the first time I asked him! Brian tries to control the dirty looks he gives me when I accidentally chomp too loud, and I have refrained from dumping water all over his head (I give him a warning first!). We try to do things that will make our marriage better, not worse. Instead of being selfish by expecting your own spouse to change, be selfless and put your spouse first and change what you can do to help your marriage grow stronger.
Philipians 2:3 says:
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
2. Let bygones be bygones
There is not room for bitterness or holding grudges in a marriage, it will eat up your marriage! Brian and I do argue, but one thing I do not recall in our arguments is bringing up the past things that we have done to each other. If we do bring up the past, we do it when we are concerned about something and need to discuss it with each other. We NEVER use past problems or hurts to lash back at the other person in anger. If anything, we have learned to laugh at some of the things we have done in the past. For instance, one memory that we laugh at all the time happened when I was pregnant. A quick warning for those of you that don't know me; my temper can get the better of me when I have pregnancy hormones raging through my body. In this particular instance, Brian and I were getting ready for church. I went into the bathroom with my baby belly bouncing in front of me, when I noticed that Brian was still in the shower. For some crazy reason, I thought we were going to be late for church, and my pregnancy hormones started to invade my mind. I told Brian to get out of the shower NOW and that we were going to be late for church. When he failed to comply, I litterly screamed at him at the top of my lungs, "Get out of the SHOWWWWWWEERRRR!!!!" Then I reached in the shower and turned off the shower myself and started stomping my foot on the floor several times pulling off a temper tantrum. Ever seen an adult in a temper tantrum, particularly a pregnant one? It's not a pretty sight! Brian, still covered in soap, just stared at me with his mouth wide open. Poor guy! By the way, we made it to church on time despite the fact that I WASTED time trying to get him out of the shower. The whole point of this story is that, Brian could use this story against me when we argue saying that I have anger problems and how awful I am, but instead, he lets bygones be bygones, and we laugh together at this story all the time. We forgive each other and move on. We never let bitterness take root.
Ephesians 4:31-32 says:
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
3. If you have a problem with your spouse, tell your spouse, not your parents, friends, dog, or siblings!
Your spouse is the other part of YOU! You guys are ONE! Matthew 19:4-6 says, "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." To speak bad about your spouse to other people is to speak bad about yourself! You will only bring strife to your marriage when you complain about your spouse to others. If you have a problem with your spouse, talk about it with your spouse. Sometimes it is not easy, and the other person may not be too happy about discussing the problem, but if possible, keep the problem between the two of you. I know I have slipped up at times and said something bad about Brian to friends, but I go right around and tell Brian what I had said, and apologize. I try my best to brag about Brian because he needs to be uplifted, not beaten down.
4. Communication....is it there?
I remember at the beginning of our marriage, Brian and I had to discuss a big issue, our finances. Before we got married, we both had different ways of dealing with our finances in which we both thought our way was the best way. I remember as we started discussing it, that I was so defensive and was against anything Brian suggested. I ignored what he had to say, and tried to make my case on why MY WAY was better. Brian started doing the same thing, trying to explain why his way was better too. Eventually, Brian and I could tell we were getting no where; Brian pointed out that we had to find a way not to interrupt each other and listen. So I did the most random thing. I went into the kitchen and found a banana....yes, a banana! I lifted up the banana and stated, "Whoever is holding this banana has permission to talk, the other must listen." I am sure Brian was thinking, "I have to hold a banana to talk to my wife?" I am sure Brian was going to go bananas listening to me talk! Well, believe it or not, the technique worked GREAT! I started truly listening to what Brian said and understood that he had a lot of good things to say about finances, budgeting, and saving and vice versa. Together, we came up with a way to budget our money and save, but the banana forced me to listen to him and made him to listen to me as well. Listening to what the other says in a marriage is so important. Often times, people are already trying to come up with a response to something while a person is still talking, and, as a result, they miss out on what the person is truly saying. God gave us two ears and one mouth, I guess that meant he wanted us to listen more than talk! James 1:19 says, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry"
5. Make Christ the Center.
If I had to describe Christ, the first couple of words that comes to mind is love, sacrifice, and service. Love your spouse with Christ's love. I am so blessed to have a man that loves me with Christ's love. After a hard day at work, he displays a servant's heart and will sacrifice his time to do dishes for me. He will willingly change Brayden's diaper in the evenings knowing that I am sick and tired of changing Brayden's diaper all day long. When I am sick, he will take care of me. When I am sad, he puts his arms around me and gives me a hug. He reminds me of Christ, because Christ lives inside of him. I am blessed!
In 2 more weeks, it will have been four years since we have said, "I do," and have become ONE in Christ. Thank you Lord for Brian. Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart! I love you so much!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment