Things I have learned from being married to Brian!

Verse of the Week:

Matthew 19:4-6 "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'  and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?  So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Things I have learned from being married to Brian!

My husband's and my fourth anniversary is coming up in two more weeks.  It has been an amazing journey with him, and I wouldn't trade my time with Brian for the world.  I was taking the time to reflect on the things we have learned the past four years as a married couple, and here is what we have learned.

1.  You can't change your spouse, but you can work on yourself!
Brian and I have plenty of flaws that drive each other nuts! For instance, Brian cannot stand my chewing.  Because I have a hearing loss, I have never really heard my smacking and chewing when I eat food.  However, I have been informed many times by my sweetheart that it is LOUD!  He may be in the living room playing on the computer or reading a book, when his worst nightmare comes to pass when his wife shows up into the room with a bowl of cereal.  chomp chomp Chomp CHOMP CHOMP....It crawls up Brian's skin!  As a result, I get a few dirty looks from him!

I get driven nuts whenever Brian falls asleep on the recliner at bedtime.  Why? Trying to get him to get up and just walk 10 feet to the bed is like trying to tell a rock to get up and take itself across the mountain.  I will spend over 30 minutes trying to reason with a guy who is half asleep about why I would like him to get up and go to bed.  "Brian, lets go to bed," I would say.  He would look up at me with these glazed eyes and say, "OK," and then immediately would close his eyes again to resume sleeping!  The process kept repeating itself, until, it escalated into an argument.  Ever tried arguing with a sleeping person?  Many times, I have ended up getting water from the sink and dumping it on his head.  Boy does that wake him up!

Here is the point I am trying to make, we have both learned that we can not change our spouse, but because we love each other so much, we will work on ourselves.  I am constantly working on remembering to chew with my mouth closed; while Brian has miraculously gotten up off the recliner the first time I asked him!  Brian tries to control the dirty looks he gives me when I accidentally chomp too loud, and I have refrained from dumping water all over his head (I give him a warning first!).  We try to do things that will make our marriage better, not worse.  Instead of being selfish by expecting your own spouse to change, be selfless and put your spouse first and change what you can do to help your marriage grow stronger.

Philipians 2:3 says:
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 

2. Let bygones be bygones
There is not room for bitterness or holding grudges in a marriage, it will eat up your marriage!  Brian and I do argue, but one thing I do not recall in our arguments is bringing up the past things that we have done to each other.  If we do bring up the past, we do it when we are concerned about something and need to discuss it with each other.  We NEVER use past problems or hurts to lash back at the other person in anger.  If anything, we have learned to laugh at some of the things we have done in the past.  For instance, one memory that we laugh at all the time happened when I was pregnant.  A quick warning for those of you that don't know me; my temper can get the better of me when I have pregnancy hormones raging through my body.  In this particular instance, Brian and I were getting ready for church.  I went into the bathroom with my baby belly bouncing in front of me, when I noticed that Brian was still in the shower.  For some crazy reason, I thought we were going to be late for church, and my pregnancy hormones started to invade my mind.  I told Brian to get out of the shower NOW and that we were going to be late for church.  When he failed to comply, I litterly screamed at him at the top of my lungs, "Get out of the SHOWWWWWWEERRRR!!!!"  Then I reached in the shower and turned off the shower myself and started stomping my foot on the floor several times pulling off a temper tantrum.  Ever seen an adult in a temper tantrum, particularly a pregnant one?  It's not a pretty sight!  Brian, still covered in soap, just stared at me with his mouth  wide open.  Poor guy!  By the way, we made it to church on time despite the fact that I WASTED time trying to get him out of the shower.  The whole point of this story is that, Brian could use this story against me when we argue saying that I have anger problems and how awful I am, but instead, he lets bygones be bygones, and we laugh together at this story all the time.  We forgive each other and move on.  We never let bitterness take root.

Ephesians 4:31-32 says: 
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

3. If you have a problem with your spouse, tell your spouse, not your parents, friends, dog, or siblings!
Your spouse is the other part of YOU!  You guys are ONE!  Matthew 19:4-6 says, "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'  and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ?  So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." To speak bad about your spouse to other people is to speak bad about yourself! You will only bring strife to your marriage when you complain about your spouse to others.  If you have a problem with your spouse, talk about it with your spouse. Sometimes it is not easy, and the other person may not be too happy about discussing the problem, but if possible, keep the problem between the two of you. I know I have slipped up at times and said something bad about Brian to friends, but I go right around and tell Brian what I had said, and apologize.  I try my best to brag about Brian because he needs to be uplifted, not beaten down.

4.  Communication....is it there?
I remember at the beginning of our marriage, Brian and I had to discuss a big issue, our finances.  Before we got married, we both had different ways of dealing with our finances in which we both thought our way was the best way.  I remember as we started discussing it, that I was so defensive and was against anything Brian suggested.  I ignored what he had to say, and tried to make my case on why MY WAY was better.  Brian started doing the same thing, trying to explain why his way was better too.  Eventually, Brian and I  could tell we were getting no where; Brian pointed out that we had to find a way not to interrupt each other and listen.  So I did the most random thing.  I went into the kitchen and found a banana....yes, a banana!  I lifted up the banana and stated, "Whoever is holding this banana has permission to talk, the other must listen."  I am sure Brian was thinking, "I have to hold a banana to talk to my wife?"  I am sure Brian was going to go bananas listening to me talk!  Well, believe it or not, the technique worked GREAT!  I started truly listening to what Brian said and understood that he had a lot of good things to say about finances, budgeting, and saving and vice versa.  Together, we came up with a way to budget our money and save, but the banana forced me to listen to him and made him to listen to me as well.  Listening to what the other says in a marriage is so important.  Often times, people are already trying to come up with a response to something while a person is still talking, and, as a result, they miss out on what the person is truly saying.  God gave us two ears and one mouth, I guess that meant he wanted us to listen more than talk!  James 1:19 says, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry"


5.  Make Christ the Center.
If I had to describe Christ, the first couple of words that comes to mind is love, sacrifice, and service.  Love your spouse with Christ's love.  I am so blessed to have a man that loves me with Christ's love.  After a hard day at work, he displays a servant's heart and will sacrifice his time to do dishes for me.  He will willingly change Brayden's diaper in the evenings knowing that I am sick and tired of changing Brayden's diaper all day long.  When I am sick, he will take care of me.  When I am sad, he puts his arms around me and gives me a hug.  He reminds me of Christ, because Christ lives inside of him.  I am blessed!

In 2 more weeks, it will have been four years since we have said, "I do," and have become ONE in Christ.  Thank you Lord for Brian.  Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart!  I love you so much!!!

**I will not be doing a blog entry next week since I will be celebrating my 30th birthday and my 4 year anniversary with my sweet husband and son.  Check back on my site in a couple more weeks!

What is the Purpose of the Law?

Verse of the Week:

Romans 6:14 "For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace."

What is the Purpose of the Law?

Everyone is a slave to something.  A lot of people have the misconception that they can conquer anything, that nothing in this world has any power over them.   Having trouble losing weight? You can conquer it!  Addicted to alcohol?  You have the power within yourself to defeat your addiction!  Trouble with porn? You have the ability to overcome it! But the truth and reality is that we are all slaves to something.  In fact the Bible talks about us being slaves to two things, sin or righteousness. Romans 6:16 says,  "Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?"  Prior to grace, everyone was a slave to sin, whether we liked it or not.  No matter how hard we try, we just can't overcome, defeat, or conquer sin ourselves. I remember driving myself nuts trying to conquer sin in my own strength. I would think that after months of working on it, I had mastered the command of not worrying, when the very next day something would happen and I would go right back and do exactly what I thought I had conquered.  I would work on my anger problems, just when I thought I had self control with my anger, someone would say something that hit a raw nerve in my body and I would lash out in anger.  I couldn't ever imagine not forgiving someone, after all, God forgave everyone; then someone would do something that hurt so bad and I would  swim in a sea of bitterness and hate.  I desperately wanted to be a slave to righteousness, but it was impossible for me to stop sinning.  God even gave the Jews a chance to defeat sin and become righteous by giving them laws to follow.  Do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that, the list goes on and on to the point that God gave the Jews 613 laws to follow! Perfectionism could only be obtained if they followed ALL 613 laws. Thank goodness for GRACE!!!  Because of Jesus, we are no longer slaves to sin but righteousness.  Jesus himself lived under the law and followed it to the core. Through his death and resurrection we now have a life of freedom from sin.  Romans 6:14 says, "For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace."

So why do we keep being slaves to sin?  Why do we always go back to the law? The law does nothing but make us feel like a failure. Dr. Andrew Farely in his book The Naked Gospel points out:

Being under the law is like being in prison.  You're constantly reminded that you're guilty and awaiting your sentence.  The law doesn't encourage us, nor does it build us up.  With its perfect standard, it only tears down our pride.  It shows us that we'll never succeed." Refer to Galatians 3:23-24

 People say that once we are saved, we are free from the ceremonial laws of the Old Testament, but the moral laws still need to be followed as guidelines for the Christian life.  Therefore even though our intentions are pure and we just want some guidelines to follow, we go right back to being slaves to sin because we keep trying to follow the law to become righteous (when in fact righteousness comes from faith in Jesus, not  by following the law). Tithe 10%, do not covet, do not have other idols, do not lust, do not be jealous, do not lie, honor your parents, do not worry, do not get angry, do not commit adultery, do forgive, and the list keeps going on and on.  If there is something we struggle with, we try so hard to conquer it only to be disappointed that we couldn't overcome it.  Here is where we mess up, we keep putting the law back into our lives because we think it is what we need to be Christ-like and go right back to being slaves to sin.  Here is what James says about the law and following it.   For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. (James 2:10)  James is talking about the whole law, not just the moral law. I believe he is including ceremonial law as well.   That means if we have eaten bacon for breakfast, we have broken the law (Leviticus 11:2b)!  If we have not brought a goat in its first year as an offering for unintentional sins, we have broken the law (Numbers 15:27). If a women doesn't isolate herself during her menstrual cycle for 7 days, she has broken the law (Leviticus 15:17-20). If you work on the Sabbath  you should be put to death (Numbers 15:32-33).  For those of you that insist I am going overboard and that James is only talking about the moral law, consider what Paul himself said, "Mark my words!  I, Paul, tell you that if you let yourselves be circumcised, Christ will be of no value to you at all.  Again I declare to every man who lets himself be circumcised that he is obligated to obey the whole law." (Galatians 5:2-3) Circumcision was another law to be followed, and Paul was simply saying that if you are going to follow one law, then you are obligated to follow all of it!

Thank goodness for grace, and that through Christ we are free from the written code of the law. He has enabled us to be ministers of his new covenant. This is a covenant not of written laws, but of the Spirit. The old written covenant ends in death; but under the new covenant, the Spirit gives life. (2 Corinthians 3:6). 

So if through faith in Christ we are free from the law, then WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE LAW? 

The law is a beautiful thing because it helps non-Christians to know that they need a Savior. It is designed to guide or lead people to Christ.  People are always saying that they are good enough to get to heaven.   You will catch many non-Christians saying, "I am a good person, and have done a lot of good in my life.  I deserve to go to heaven."  The law however is designed to quiet such sayings. Romans 3:19-20 says, "19 Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. 20 Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin."  The law points to us that we are sinners.  

I am not saying the law is all bad. The law is good because it was made for the unbelievers and points them to Christ.  1 Timothy 1:8-9 says, 8 Now we know that the law is good, if one uses it lawfully, 9 understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers,  

So if the law no longer plays a part in the Christian's life then what standard and guidelines should Christians follow since they no longer follow the law? When you accept Jesus as your personal Savior, you receive a new Spirit.  "so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit." (Galatians 3:14b)  The spirit of God dwells within us (Romans 8:8-9).  We are changed inwardly and you begin to see some of the good works come out of our lives because of that change.  Andre van der Merwe in his book, Grace the Forbidden Gospel ,points out:

" [...]  under the New Covenant God changed our hearts, and when our hearts are changed, the good works will automatically follow."

Some of the fruits of the Spirit that is now in a Christian's spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  Apart from these there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23).  

I am not saying that because of grace we now have the license to sin, but our focus should not be on our sin or the law but rather on Christ.  His spirit is displayed in us. When we truly understand grace and the freedom we receive from the law and when we grasp God's amazing love in it all, we can't help but want to display the fruits of the Spirit.  Will we display the fruits of the spirit perfectly?  No, not all the time, but that is the beauty of Grace, we are no longer bound by the law but are forgiven and loved by God anyway!  He no longer condemns us but is pleased with us.  "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." (Romans 8:1)

Thank you, Lord, that through Grace I am now a slave to righteousness and not sin.  Jesus paid it all, and in Him I am declared righteous!

For more information on this topic, read my blog entry entitled, Christian Behavior.

Do You Realize How Blessed You Are?

Verse of the Week:

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17)

Do You Realize How Blessed You Are?

I absolutely love spending time with my in-laws.  My father-in-law in particular is a funny guy that makes people laugh all the time. You never know what is going to come out of his mouth. His crazy sense of humor, keeps everyone smiling and laughing. However, in the midst of all the humor, he will also surprise us with some very serious profound thoughts that are whirling around in that head of his.  I was talking with him one afternoon, when he said something that got me to thinking.  He said, "Suppose whatever you thank God for today is what you would receive tomorrow."  Or to put it this way, whatever you forget to thank God for, you won't receive tomorrow. Now I know that if I forget to thank God on stuff that He is not going to automatically take it away, but it got me to thinking about how there is so much more for me to be thankful for than I ever realized.   I decided to try out this thought process and began to thank God for things in my life with the idea that if I didn't thank Him for it, then it would not be there tomorrow.

So I started with the obvious.  Thank you, Lord, for Jesus, Brian (my husband), and Brayden (my little boy).  I then proceeded to thank him for food, shelter, clothing, and money to buy the things we need. 

 I had started with the basic stuff you always hear, but somewhere along the way I began to get specific.  Thank you Lord, for the toilet that actually works, a sink to do dishes, for running water, electricity, for carpet on the floor, a soft bed.  Thank you for legs that can run, for arms that can carry my son, and for fingers to hold a pen.  Thank you for pens, pencils, paper, and photos. Thank you for trees, flowers, soil, lady bugs, bees, and birds that chirp. Thank you for ears to hear with, hands to feel with,  eyes to see the beauty around me.  Thank you for sunlight, the air I breathe, and for clouds in the sky.  Thank you for Brayden's pacifier, for his milk bottle, for a healthy baby boy, for his toys, and for his laughter.  Thank you for a car to take us around town and to beautiful places far away.  Thank you for yummy vegetables from our garden. Thank you for air conditioning, heaters, blankets, and towels.  Thank you for razors, soap, washcloths, and a tub to keep myself clean.  Thank you for white blood cells that work to keep my body healthy, for a strong beating heart, and organs that function. Thank you for family, friends, laughter, and conversation.  Thank you Lord, for you faithfulness, love, and grace. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you....

I realized that I couldn't even begin to thank Him for all that I had, but I learned one thing.  I am EXTREMELY BLESSED!  There are so many good things in life that I take for granted.  Every good thing in this world comes from God...

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17)

Sometimes we get so caught up with negative thoughts, problems, and worries that we forget all the good things that God has given us.

Do you realize how blessed you are?

Mountains out of Molehills

Verse of the Week:

1 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Mountains out of Molehills

Fear....it seems to sneak up on people all the time. Recently, I discovered that I have a couple of lumps on my leg.  My first reaction to those lumps is the possibility of cancer. At first I was just concerned about the lumps, but then dark thoughts began to invade my mind.  What if I get cancer? What if I have to suffer while fighting for my life? What if I die?  I will be leaving behind Brian and my sweet baby boy.  I want so bad to see Brayden grow up and to grow old with my husband. I feel like I would be robbed of my life!  The fear began to creep up on me and grew bigger and bigger and bigger.  Eventually, these little tiny molehills that I was concerned about became mountains of FEAR! You see, sometimes our fears/problems start off "small," and then Satan likes to put a little tiny seed of doubt or concern into our thoughts and then allow it to grow to the point that the concern is now this huge fear/problem. Here is a story I heard one time:

Once upon a time there was a small village nestled in a beautiful valley below a huge mountain.  The people of the village were happy and content on their farms raising their own food for their families.  However, no one ever left the tiny village, because up in the huge mountain was a horrifying, ugly, dark mean monster with massive claws and sharp fangs.  The villagers had heard that He could chomp you into half in one bite!  His roar was so loud that it shook the mountain and made the people in the village tremble.  No one dared to try to face this monster and kill him.  Therefore, no one climbed the mountain.  However, one day, a brave young man wanted to go up to the mountain and fight this horrifying, ugly, dark mean monster.  He was tired of not being able to explore other areas beyond the mountain.  Therefore, he recruited 12 other men to go with him on the quest to fight this monster.  They began to climb the mountain with their weapons.  About a quarter up the mountain, they heard a loud roar that pierced their ears and made the earth tremble like an earthquake. Fearing for their lives, 6 of the men fled back down the mountain.  However, 7 of them bravely continued on their journey up to the top. When the men reached about half way up the mountain, they began to see the giant shadow of the monster with his sharp piercing fangs and large claws.  Once again, they heard  a loud roar!  Fearing for their lives, 6 more men fled down the mountain, leaving only one man to face the gruesome monster.  The brave man continued up the mountain.  As he got closer, the roar of the monster no longer seemed as loud.  In fact the earth did not tremble over the noise.  The man continued to climb.  As he got closer, the shadow of the monster began to shrink and the sharp piercing teeth began to look rather small.  The man continued to creep closer and closer to the monster. The closer he got, the smaller the shadow got and the quieter his roar was.  Eventually, when he arrived to the cave, the shadow was the size of a little bug and the loud roar sounded like a squeaky little  mouse.  The man entered the cave and saw a tiny little monster.  He picked up the monster with his hand and asked, "Sir, what is your name?" The tiny little monster responded with a squeak, "Fear."

You see the monster wasn't near as big as people in the village thought.  However, when we focus on our fears, we begin to view our problems and concerns like those people in the village, a huge monster.  The villagers allows fear to grip them so much that they were unable to face their problems.  Satan loves to use fear as a way to steal our joy and peace.  1 Peter 5:8 says,

Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

But God doesn't give us a spirit of fear.  We have Christ's spirit inside of us which is full of power, love, and sound judgement.  1 Timothy 1:7 says,

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

1 Peter 5:8 says, "Resist him [the devil], standing firm in the FAITH..." (emphasis mine) 

Faith is the complete opposite of fear.  Faith in Christ includes trust, confidence, hope, which in turn allows us to have peace and joy. When we focus on Christ, our fears and problems look so much smaller.  Someone very close to me once said, "Don't tell God how big your problem is, tell your problem how big your God is!"  We have a big God who can take care of every fear and problem we face.

Once I stopped focusing on the lumps on my leg and remembered who holds me in the palm of my hand, my fears began to fade and was replaced with peace.  Keep your eyes on Christ.  Look at your fears/problems through His eyes.  It will change your perspective.  If you focus on Christ, your problem becomes a molehill, but when you focus on your problem it can become a mountain.